You can’t date until you’re both sure it’s over and you’re not harboring a secret desire to get back together. You need some time and space to fall in love with yourself again first and foremost.
You might not want to talk to your ex about your current dating plans, but if you’re not divorced yet it’s the most honest thing to do. Factor in a little pamper time or even a weekend break here and there to give yourself time to heal. If you’re still hoping to get back together with your partner, or still dealing with a lot of sadness and bitterness surrounding the separation, you’re not ready yet. It’s a huge step, and it’s only natural to feel some hesitation.
And you might think that means his divorce will be smooth, simple, and unemotional. You will have opinions about how things are or are not getting resolved at times – and that’s also understandable.
But there’s nothing like a not-yet-ex finding someone new to make the person who wanted the divorce in the first place have second thoughts about splitting up. As a result, your fun, new relationship with Ben will get bumped and bruised in the process of Ben’s divorce.
This action has a three year statute of limitations and doesn’t require sexual relations, unlike an action for “criminal conversation”.
The good news, however, is that both of these actions have defenses that can be raised in court.
And when that happens, it’s anything but smooth, simple, and unemotional. That’s wear and tear on your relationship that would never have happened if Ben had wrapped up his divorce before you two started dating.
Even if that doesn’t happen, a divorce, no matter how civil, is nobody’s idea of a good time. So, yes, in a perfect world, people would conclude their previous relationships, paperwork and all, before entering into new ones.
Simply put, dating has a zero percent chance of making a divorce go smoother, and a bazillion percent chance of making it more contentious. I get that Ben has been separated for a couple of years, and that it was his wife’s decision to move out. Ben will be preoccupied with the twists and turns of his divorce at times – and that’s understandable.North Carolina law still permits an action for “alienation of affection” against a third party whom the plaintiff feels is responsible for ending the marriage.Even if you did not begin dating someone until after the date of separation, a suspicious former spouse may see the new boyfriend or girlfriend as the cause of the marriage’s end and bring a court action.Under North Carolina General Statute 50-6, a couple must be separated for one year before a divorce is final.Even though separated, you are still technically married until the court enters the order granting the divorce.